When Darkness Comes: My Severe Anxiety Story Part 3 of 3
- Jul 24
- 7 min read
Updated: Aug 4
When Anxiety Took Over My Life
This is a personal story of mine, sharing my mental health journey into mental health recovery. Healing from trauma is not linear. This blog will share the depths of darkness.
When Darkness Comes: My Severe Anxiety Story Part 2 of 3
Have you read When Darkness Comes Part 2? Click Here
The Anger That Consumed Me
The anger I had in my soul might have out beat all of my emotions and they would for a while. About three weeks went by and I was an anxious, angry, depressed human going downhill slowly but aggressively.
My bestie told me almost daily that she was worried about me. I just kept telling her I was fine and started defending why I had the right to be so angry. Quickly, the days turned into sleepless nights swirling around in a severe anxiety filled black hole. Life was becoming my worst nightmare. I now see why my bestie was concerned.
The Night Everything Fell Apart
It was the late night of February 18, 2026 and I was freaking the fuck out. My anxiety was so out of control. I want you to know what anxiety feels like, but it's so hard to explain. It takes over your body like a freight train. When my body is in a constant state of anxiety, flight or flight mode, I am shaking, my fingers become saturated from almost sweating, my thoughts go on a spiral of rapid fire thoughts, mainly negative, fearful, overwhelming intrusive thoughts . Every minute feels like a lifetime. I couldn't handle it.
When I Thought I Needed the Hospital
Every night things got worse and worse. I was getting sicker by the day. I couldn't take it anymore. So at about 2am I decided I needed to go to the hospital. I was getting myself together when Spencer came out of our bedroom, asking me what I was doing. He saw the irrational disaster in front of him. He knew I didn't need to go to the hospital. It took him a while to talk me down. Once he did, he brought me to bed and snuggled me tight to calm my nervous system to in hopes it will help me sleep. Thankfully, I did fall asleep until the next morning.
Realizing I Needed Help
The next day, I couldn't stop crying from the moment I woke up until the moment I went to bed.
Normal people don't fear going to sleep. Normal people have emotional regulation. Normal people do not get triggered that hardcore. Normal people do not loose their minds to the point of being physically sick. I don't know how or why I got to this place, but I did. 3 times now in the past 2 years. I finally realized I needed serious help.
I reached out to my sister as soon as I woke up. The moment she answered my message, I went straight to her house. I needed to be with somebody. Being alone sounded scary. I also needed to share out loud all that I had in my mind. Up until this point it was journaling and texting. I was trying to connect with my therapist but it was challenging getting an appointment slot. It was so discouraging.
When I got to my sister, she gave me a huge hug and let me cry for a few minutes. Then I unleashed everything.
Choosing Therapy and Medication
By the time I was done, I think both my sister and I knew I had valid points. My thoughts were definitely warranted. I also recognized that I had things I needed to work on. But most importantly, I think I realized I needed to go back on the Lexapro and stay on it for a long time. My brain needs fixing/assistance and I completely understand that now (in addition to therapy). I also believe going on and off of meds in such a short period of time was unhealthy. So, I'm committing long term for my own peace. This time period was beyond scary. It was full of sadness and an indescribable loneliness. I never want to feel that way again.
You Are Not Alone
If you struggle with your mental health, please tell someone. You are not alone. You matter.
Mental Health Resources:
Top Questions about Anxiety and Panic Attacks
According to my ChatGPT, these are the top searched questions when it comes to understanding, managing and coping with anxiety.
1. What is anxiety?
Anxiety is the body's natural response to stress or perceived danger. While everyone experiences anxiety occasionally, persistent or overwhelming anxiety that interferes with daily life may be an anxiety disorder.
2. What are the symptoms of anxiety?
Common symptoms include excessive worrying, racing thoughts, rapid heartbeat, sweating, trembling, restlessness, trouble concentrating, muscle tension, and difficulty sleeping.
3. What causes anxiety?
Anxiety can be caused by a combination of genetics, brain chemistry, personality traits, life experiences, chronic stress, trauma, or certain medical conditions.
4. What is the difference between stress and anxiety?
Stress is usually triggered by an external situation and often resolves once the problem is gone. Anxiety can persist even without an obvious cause and may continue long after a stressful event has passed.
5. Can anxiety cause physical symptoms?
Yes. Anxiety can lead to headaches, stomach issues, chest tightness, dizziness, fatigue, nausea, muscle aches, and a racing heart, making it feel like a physical illness.
6. What are the different types of anxiety disorders?
Common types include generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), panic disorder, social anxiety disorder, specific phobias, separation anxiety disorder, and selective mutism.
7. How can I calm anxiety quickly?
Deep breathing, grounding techniques (like the 5-4-3-2-1 method), mindfulness, light exercise, listening to calming music, and stepping away from stressful situations may help reduce anxiety in the moment.
8. When should I seek professional help for anxiety?
If anxiety lasts for several weeks, interferes with work, school, relationships, or daily activities, or causes frequent panic attacks, it's a good idea to speak with a healthcare provider or licensed mental health professional.
9. Can anxiety go away on its own?
Mild anxiety may improve as stressful situations resolve, but chronic anxiety often benefits from treatment such as therapy, lifestyle changes, or medication when recommended by a healthcare provider.
10. How is anxiety treated?
Treatment may include cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), other forms of psychotherapy, medication, stress management techniques, regular exercise, healthy sleep habits, and mindfulness practices.
11. What foods can help reduce anxiety?
A balanced diet rich in whole grains, fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, omega-3 fatty acids, and magnesium-rich foods may support overall mental well-being. Limiting caffeine, alcohol, and excessive sugar may also help some people.
12. Is anxiety a mental illness?
Occasional anxiety is a normal emotion. However, anxiety disorders are recognized mental health conditions that can significantly affect daily life and are treatable.
13. Can anxiety affect sleep?
Yes. Anxiety can make it difficult to fall asleep, stay asleep, or achieve restful sleep. Poor sleep can also worsen anxiety, creating a cycle that's difficult to break.
14. Is anxiety curable?
Many people successfully manage anxiety and experience long periods with few or no symptoms. While some anxiety disorders may be ongoing, effective treatment and healthy coping strategies can greatly improve quality of life.
My Anxiety Recovery Story
Stay tuned for the Coming out of the Darkness. This series shares my anxiety recovery story, leading to the current day.
Do you have questions around anxiety and panic attacks? Comment below. If you have a story to share, comment that too. Healing together is a powerful tool.
If you’d like to explore more, my blogs are full of personal stories, resources, and thought-starters to help you navigate this path. You can also reach me directly through mizzybender.com—the safest and most authentic place to connect with me.
Until next time, I will talk to you super soon.
Xoxo,
Mizzy
The stories and experiences shared on this blog reflect my personal journey, memories, and perspective. Everything I share here represents my truth, told through my eyes and heart. This content is deeply personal, and out of respect, it should not be copied, shared, or reproduced in any manner without explicit permission. Each individual mentioned in my stories has played a significant role in my life—people I have deeply cared for, still care for, and hold respect toward. My intention is never to harm, offend, or disrespect anyone. Instead, my aim is to honestly share my experiences, thoughts, and emotions from my personal viewpoint. Please read these stories understanding that this is solely my perspective, and others involved may see or remember these moments differently.
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