The Week My Stepdad Died - Part 1: The background

The Week My Stepdad Died - Part 1: The background

This story is coming to the blog way sooner than expected. It has been on my radar for a while, as it is a recurring situation that plays loops in my life and I am ready to get off the merry-go-round. Last night I received the reminder that this is now a ME problem and I need to be strong to keep my mental health in order. We are going to unravel everything I am keeping inside for the thought I needed to protect people. Because if I speak my truth, that I am being disrespectful to you. But at what cost? Losing my soul knowing that this is wrong, unhealthy and detrimental to my entire being as a human.

Source: Google

A narcissistic mother exhibits characteristics of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), such as a pervasive need for admiration, a lack of empathy, a sense of entitlement, and a tendency to exploit others. She views her children as extensions of herself, using them to fulfill her own needs for validation and control rather than supporting their individual growth. This dynamic often leads to manipulative behaviors, constant criticism, emotional blackmail, and a pattern of putting children down to maintain her fragile self-esteem and a sense of superiority. 

Key characteristics of a narcissistic mother:

• Self-centeredness:

  She perceives herself as the center of the universe and believes her children exist to serve her needs and desires. 

• Lack of empathy:

  She struggles to understand or share the feelings of others, including her children, showing little concern for their emotional well-being. 

• Need for control:

  To protect her vulnerable ego, she seeks to control her children's actions and behaviors, often through guilt or emotional manipulation. 

• Exploitation:

  She exploits her children to gain attention, compliments, or other benefits, viewing them as extensions of herself to be used for her own gain. 

• Criticism and condescension:

  She frequently belittles her children with critical and condescending remarks to chip away at their self-esteem and maintain her position of superiority. 

• Manipulation:

  She employs tactics like blame, emotional blackmail, and guilt-tripping to ensure her children comply with her wishes. 

• Competition:

  She may compete with her children or live through them, creating an environment where the children's achievements reflect on her, according to the Newport Institute. 

• Entitlement and arrogance:

  She behaves as if she is special and deserving of admiration, expecting her children to cater to her needs. 

Now that you get the gist of where we are headed, It’s hard to figure out where to start. You need some back story to understand all the pieces. The problem is, each back story leads into another fucked up funnel that plays the same cycle as this.

I guess the main details are:

My entire adult life, or my entire life, I have had a very complex relationship with my mother. Because of this, she would constantly remove me from the family, banning me from everything. It was a gross, hurtful cycle that damaged my soul on so many levels. Every time I would find my way back, another explosive situation would happen, that would ultimately lead to an even bigger, more catastrophic outcome.

Sometime mid 2019 my step dad was diagnosed with colon cancer. I was sort of in good graces with my parents at the time. I was almost a year out of my marriage, into my new life, trying to sort my way which opened a bit of communication.

If you remember, I mentioned about being outed to my family. Which is another complicated story, because you all know my aunt took me to my first swingers meet & greet. But again, all out of context and understanding of this particular story.  The way my parents found out about my new lifestyle, is not the way I wanted them to learn, but I had to own it and move forward with myself and my new relationship.

I think the only reason why I was back in good graces with my mom at the time is because my grandmother, her mother, had just passed away months before learning of this new cancer diagnosis. My grandma was sick with a very rare blood cancer. Her death took a toll on the entire family. She was our matriarch. The one who held things together when things got real fucked up.

We mourned our way right into the next cancer. At the time, I was not working, so I had all the time in the world to dedicate to the family. I am a passionate, strong mother fucker. If something needs to be handled, I can do the job. In this case, I felt Mizzy needed to jump into action because my step dad wanted to be treated by the VA hospital. I was 100% against it. I watched how poorly the VA hospital operated. I don’t know if anything has changed, but when I had to deal with them, it was a nightmare with no resolution. 

The VA was taking way too long to get the proper testing done. He was beginning to wither away. Anyone could see that he needed help. By the time those mother fuckers diagnosed him, I think we were already too late.  But, I stayed committed to the chemo treatments, doing my duty as a daughter. 

Unfortunately, that was short lived, because by the time September 2019 came, my mom dismissed me from the family once again. And I truthfully have no idea why.  The things I do know are that when I am dismissed, it is not just that. It is a whole steam of sick, disgusting emails, messages, texts that cut you to your core. To the point that when the words are read you are so far shocked that your own mother could write such horrific things. 

That is what happened during this time period. There was a need to write an email to me, with my siblings on copy, mapping out exactly how disgusting of a human being I am. Every time I thought there can never be anything that tops this crazy situation, one prevails harder. It’s an incredible thing. 

This email came the week we were getting ready for our Boo event in Rhode Island. This email sparked a war between us all.  My brother and sister are solid humans.  They have had my back from day one. No one understands our bond. You can’t. We are trauma bonded on a level that is even unhealthy for us.  I know it. I think they know it too. We are trying really hard to fix it. With that comes hard conversations and tight boundaries. So they went to bat for me. For us. It was insane to be reading what we were.

So, the day we are leaving for Rhode Island, we receive the final email….

Something along the lines that my brother and sister are pieces of shit for supporting their slut sister.

Those were some long hours trying to understand how far off the deep end my mother had gone and how worried we needed to be. It was not unheard of for her to act/pretend as if she is going to commit suicide or if she was actually going to do it. Either way, it isn’t something children should have to navigate. She has taken things to some pretty serious levels over the years.

So here we are pulling up to the club to start unloading. My head space was all over the board. What had transpired over the last 24 hours and still going made me unbelievably concentered for her safety. I called the police on my mother, requesting a wellness check.

Ugh - following along to read what happens next.

Until then, I will talk to you super soon.

XOXO,

Mizzy

The stories and experiences shared on this blog reflect my personal journey, memories, and perspective. Everything I share here represents my truth, told through my eyes and heart. This content is deeply personal, and out of respect, it should not be copied, shared, or reproduced in any manner without explicit permission. Each individual mentioned in my stories has played a significant role in my life—people I have deeply cared for, still care for, and hold respect toward. My intention is never to harm, offend, or disrespect anyone. Instead, my aim is to honestly share my experiences, thoughts, and emotions from my personal viewpoint. Please read these stories understanding that this is solely my perspective, and others involved may see or remember these moments differently.

Thank you for respecting my story and those within it. 

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Background: Who doesn’t love to talk about sex and everything in between? Mizzy Bender is here to talk through all the down, dirty and not so fun moments that life has to offer. Mizzy is one female that isn’t afraid to embrace all aspects of life from sexuality to success.

Mizzy Bender is a 41 year old female entrepreneur and influencer leading the way within the Swingers / Adult Lifestyle community. If you believe in Ethical Non-Monogamy, this is the community for you. Mizzy’s journey started out with Mindbender Parties and still remains traveling the East Coast putting on full thematic swinger events with her partner in crime, Mr. Mindbender.

Mizzy’s passion and drive is all about creating an environment that is all inclusive and judgment free, where we can be who we are without question. Where one can have a platform to talk about the things we are curious about without question, finding like minded humans to love and support one another.

Through this journey, Mizzy's Boutique was formed. An adult novelty shop starting out online and has since migrated into a traveling pop up boutique at swingers / alternative lifestyle events across the US.