I am Attending my First Adult Lifestyle Party. What Should I Know?

Mindful Mizzy

1.9.2025

As the days go by, the adult lifestyle is becoming more and more popular. Many are searching for guidance on what to “expect” when attending an event for the first time. This blog is going to help you navigate the night and things to think about prior to entering the club.  Keep in mind, there are several types of events such as private house parties, hotel takeovers, and other variations but I will be writing from a club standpoint, as that is where we host as Mindbender Parties and where I feel most comfortable directing from. Please feel free to apply this information to your overall lifestyle mindset. 

You may notice that I am not specifically stating “swingers party.” This is because anyone living within the ethical non-monogamy space is welcome. This includes anyone wanting to feel & dress sexy, voyeurs, exhibitioners, kinksets, swingers, poly etc. Each of these categories can be broken down into a deeper level specific to the couple/person. Not all adult lifestylers are created equally. That’s the beauty of this lifestyle.

WHAT TO THINK ABOUT BEFORE HAND

You have officially found a party that you would like to attend but are feeling intimidated. The first recommendation would be to inquire about online forums such as a facebook groups or SDC event page. These platforms allow you to interact with those attending the event prior to actually showing up.  This is the time to make introductions and form connections. It takes the pressure off walking in blindly.  

If you are unable to locate an online forum, the next recommendation is to let the staff at the door know you are a first time visitor. They will give you some insight into the club and the atmosphere with a club tour. There are times when introductions can be made to more veteran attendees in hopes one can feel more included from the start. 

WHAT TO WEAR

This is one of the biggest questions asked. Us lifestylers love a theme! It’s always fun to dress accordingly as it brings the night to life a little more. This is your time to show your personality. The outfits are an expression of who you are. Join the fun and stand out!  If dressing in theme isn’t really appealing for you, please dress to impress. Do not come in sweats, sneakers, stained clothing, looking all raggy. Show us you want to be there and be part of the night. 

In addition to looking good, smell good too. Arriving clean, showered, groomed … it all goes a long way.

WHAT TO BRING

I recommend bringing a play bag. This bag should include protection (this is your responsibility), lube, toys if you use them, wipes, body spray, deodorant and gum or mints. Ladies, I always recommend sneakers as well. The high heels are great and all, but once midnight comes, my feet turn into pumpkins. I usually bring a second outfit that is a bit more sporty sexy, transitioning into a more chill part of the night. This allows me to be a bit more loose and dance a little more. 

ENTERING THE CLUB FOR THE FIRST TIME

This is an intimidating feeling. Even for me, and we host events. I find each night always brings a bit of angst because you just don't know who will be in attendance. Will there be others you know or are you a lone ranger trying to fit in?  This brings me to the point of established relationships. You have to remember, there are all walks of life at the parties. Those that attend time after time who have established “their spot” in the club, the groups who have become acquainted over time and who have formed their own special sexy bonds. Then there are those who are brand spankin new with no home. This doesn’t mean you don’t fit in or others are cliquey, it's just that over time relationships have been established and in time, the same will happen for you. 

MANAGE YOUR CONSUMPTION

We all feel the anxiety of attending events so don’t over consume before arrival and certainly keep your wits about you while at the event. No one wants to manage an intoxicated person.  If we see that you are overly intoxicated, we will ask you and your party to leave. 

GETTING TO KNOW THE PARTY GOERS

Take the time to walk around, introducing yourself to others. If you spot a couple, approach the couple together. Do not wait until one of them walks off to have a conversation solo. By doing this, you show you do not have respect for both parties and that is a big NO NO. 

If you see someone you are interested in meeting but are unsure if they are partnered, approach delicately, asking what the relationship composition is. If it is stated that the person is in fact coupled, ask to meet the other half.  While you are browsing the environment, try not to stare or gawk. It's super uncomfortable and yes, absolutely noticeable. Do not follow people around the club either. Use your judgement and approach at the appropriate time. 

You have to remember, not everyone is at the party to swing so you have to be open minded and have clear communications when chatting so everyone is on the same page. You can never assume that just because a conversation is happening, that means you are allowed to touch or play will happen. These are just friendly conversations. If you feel you’d like to take things to the next level, you must have a clear conversation with all parties involved outlining boundaries and rules to ensure you are all on the same page. 

PHOTOGRAPHY

Many clubs do not allow cell phones at all. If your club does allow you to have them, DO NOT record anyone at the club unless you have a very specific conversation gaining approval.  We have a professional photographer at our events. He has a station with a backdrop but also walks around snapping the crowd.  For the most part, he knows who the content creators are, but if at any point you do not want to be in a photo, just let him know. There is never an issue with speaking up.  If we see you recording anyone, as the host we will approach you. Do not give us a hard time, we are simply looking out for our guests. 

SEX IS ALL AROUND

Please be aware of your surroundings. Just because people are playing out in the open, does not mean that is your invitation to touch, penetrate or even be in close quarters. It is not your play space, it is theirs. If you are watching, watch from a reasonable distance and be mindful of any conversations you are having around the play scene. It becomes distracting and makes for an annoying situation.  It’s important to understand and know the club rules. Anyone who violates a rule or individual is immediately asked to leave. We have a zero tolerance rule, so even if you are a frequent visitor we will ask you to leave.  

CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELVES

We pride ourselves on having a warm welcoming environment. We do not want a mess around so please throw away your garbage, old drink cups and snack wrappers. If you are involved in a play scene, clean up the beds, your condoms & wipes. If you are using dungeon equipment, please wipe everything down with the cleaners provided. 

ENJOY THE NIGHT

Now that we’ve spoken through some of the top questions asked when visiting a club for the first time, the most important thing is to enjoy the night. Do not go in with expectations. Remember, what one sees on social media isn’t the true reality of an event.  You are not going to walk into a full on orgy. You are not going to walk into a party as a single guy and out of the gate bang 10 chicks. It’s just not how it happens. It’s a slow process that takes time and effort.

ADVENTURE AWAITS

It's time to get out there and explore ethical non-monogamy in a way that works for you.

Until next time, I will talk to you super soon,

Mizzy

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For event listings, check out Mindbender Parties.  Next up is Winter Out January 25, 2025.

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