As a Swinger, I am Disappointed I am Not Playing
- Mizzy Bender
- 8 minutes ago
- 5 min read
As a Swinger, I am Disappointed I am Not Playing
I think we need to have a heartfelt conversation about the expectations of playing as a swinger. I see so many posts about being disappointed about not playing and it makes me question what is happening or not happening in their life that would lead to disappointment. Are they not fulfilled enough at home? Is there a partner putting pressure on them? Are they really sure they know who they are within the lifestyle and what they are looking for? These are all the self growth questions I challenge one to answer if they are struggling. If you need to grab a pen and paper to start writing it all out so you better understand, do it! Dive deep into your soul and do the work. Please be mindful that none of these are negatives, but the opportunity to learn more about ourselves, making stronger choices for our future.
Remember - the swingers lifestyle is supposed to be an extra spark to your primary relationship. You are not supposed to be filling your cup with your swinger relationships when your cup at home needs the filling. It creates off balance, insecurities, jealousy and so much more.
When The Stars and Moon Align, You Will Know it is Time to Play
The reason I feel so strongly about this is because when I met my now husband, owner of Mindbender Parties, I had to make a decision on whether or not I was going to explore the swingers lifestyle. I had so many questions that I needed to understand before I would say that I would participate.
He always said to me, "When the stars and moon align”, you'll know it's a scenario that you want to be in. I will tell you, until this very day, I have kept that with me and I have not had a bad play scenario since I've started. There was one wonky one, which really solidified me not looking for partners on whim in the club. One time was enough for me to know that was not my style. I am so happy I tried it, as it was the best learning for me. What happened was….
The First Time I Played at the Club
It was early on… within the first year of me entering the lifestyle with just Spencer and I independently. It was probably the 3rd time we were hosting at this particular venue so I was very comfortable. Also - it was an entire weekend event, so we didn’t have any true responsibilities that night. With that, I took the last 20 minutes of the event to hunker down on the couch and chill. I chatted up with a bunch of humans about everything and everything. It was absolutely amazing. Slowly, each of them trickled away, leaving me with this cute, young guy. He was at most 22. LMAO. But, it is never about the age. It is always about chemistry. This young guy and I had an easy flowing conversation. He was sweet. He wasn’t pushy or aggressive. It was just very relaxed. At one point, from across the room, Spencer gave me the nod of approval that if I wanted to take him into a room, we could.
I figured, if I was going to give this kind of scenario a try, now was the time. The night was over. Everyone was gone. I was comfortable with the venue. It all made sense. Unfortunately, it didn't work out in the end. The situation really never came full throttle. Every way we tried, it just didn’t work out. Now, I want to mention, this sort of thing happens all the time. So do not be discouraged. But, in my experience, things are way better when I have an established relationship. It really allows me to embrace my desires, allowing me to be unafraid to explore further, deeper, harder because we have some sort of emotional connection. That emotional connection allows me the safety of sexual exploration resulting in a spectacular night full of so many delicious orgasms.
What is Your True Purpose of Being a Swinger
I think humans become lost as their journey continues through the lifestyle, forgetting the purpose or the real reason. Will they develop over time? Of course. As we shift and grow our wants, needs, and desires change and that is ok. The question is, are you being completely honest with yourself and your partner? I found… no. There are very few individuals who are absolutely honest within their swingers relationship. Which is why conversations like these are so important. Self growth and awareness is critical.
I wish you internal love as you continue to grow and explore through the swingers lifestyle. Be true to you. Be true to your wants, needs and desires. If you and your partner are not truly aligned, it is okay to take your time. Don’t rush into things. This lifestyle will always be here.
If you’d like to explore more, my blogs are full of personal stories, resources, and thought-starters to help you navigate this path. You can also reach me directly through mizzybender.com—the safest and most authentic place to connect with me.
Until next time, I will talk to you super soon.
Xoxo,
Mizzy
Mizzy Unfiltered – your chance to ask me anything without holding back. From relationships and lifestyle to personal growth and everything in between, nothing is off-limits.
Your submission is 100% anonymous – no names, no judgment, just raw and real talk. Each week, I’ll pick one question to answer in my advice column on Sundays, 7 am via my blog.
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Background: Who doesn’t love to talk about sex and everything in between? Mizzy Bender is here to discuss all the down, dirty, and not-so-fun moments that life has to offer. Mizzy is one female who isn’t afraid to embrace all aspects of life, from sexuality to success.
Mizzy Bender is a 42-year-old female entrepreneur and influencer leading the way within the Swingers/Adult Lifestyle community. If you believe in Ethical Non-Monogamy, this is the community for you. Mizzy’s journey started with Mindbender Parties and continues as she travels the East Coast, hosting full thematic swinger events with her partner in crime, Mr. Mindbender.
Mizzy’s passion is all about creating an inclusive and judgment-free environment. Here, we can be who we are without question, finding like-minded humans to love and support one another.
Through this journey, Mizzy's Boutique was formed. An adult novelty shop that started online and has since migrated into a traveling pop-up boutique at swingers/alternative lifestyle events across the US.
