Is It Alright to be a Swinger?
- Mizzy Bender
- Sep 7
- 6 min read
Is It Alright to Swinger?
Submit your anonymous topic for Mizzy Unfiltered
The question comes up often, whispered in curiosity or shouted with judgment: “Is it alright to be a swinger?”
The truth? Swinging is as “alright” as the humans who choose to engage in it. At its core, swinging is about consenting adults swapping sexual partners, living outside the traditional monogamous relationships we are all accustomed to. There’s no universal right or wrong...only what aligns with your values, your relationship, and your happiness.
The only thing that I will say is be honest. If you want to be a swinger, be a swinger. If you are lifestyle, be lifestyle. If you are poly, be poly. Etc. Just be true to you, saying it out loud, because if you don't, it will cause a ton of internal issues. Not living to your most authentic self is the root cause to most of our issues.
Through my writings and morning shows you will always hear me talk about becoming our best selves, digging deep and finding the power needed to live boldly.
Breaking the Swingers Lifestyle Taboo
Society loves to place swinging in an icky bracket, labeling it taboo or shameful. But let’s be honest: curiosity about sexual wants, needs and desires isn’t new, nor is it abnormal. The difference today is that more couples and individuals are embracing open conversations about their curiosities so much more. conversations about ethical non-monogamy and open relationships are becoming more common. With the heightened presence on social media, humans are finding new ways of living. You can thank the millennials for the mindset shift. Each generation after has embraced it more and more.
Swinging isn’t about betrayal. It’s not sneaking around and cheating. It’s built on the very thing most
people say they want in relationships—trust, honesty, and communication. You're goddamn right ... read that again. Those that are true lifestylers / true swingers, have the most incredible communication and understanding one can have. Why? Because you have to be so opened minded to sharing your partner with someone else, that you need to feel safe and committed and secure with this person. If you don't, of course this lifestyle will not be for you. The relationship in general isn't for you.
Many people believe that swinging breaks up relationships. No - dishonest people break up relationships. When looking in from the outside, a million assumptions can be made. You have to find the educators that are true educators. The ones who want you to understand the messy, the complexity, the deep levels of thought and self reflection and understanding needed. It's not a lifestyle to glorify because this is the way we live period. Every single second of our day, this is who we are.
Consent Is Everything - Don't forget that Swingers!
So, is it alright to be a swinger? It depends on one powerful foundation: consent.
Are both partners on the same page?
Is there enthusiastic agreement, not pressure? If it isn't a clear YES... it is a NO
Are boundaries clear, respected, and revisited often?
When consent is front and center, swinging can create deeper levels of intimacy, self-discovery, and joy. But again, be truly honest with yourself or your partner or you will be harboring a lot of unhealthy thoughts, causing conflict in your relationship.
The Benefits People Don’t Understand
Please note, Lifestyle and Swinging are different and I think many people miss this point. Lifestyle which is just a fancy shortened way to say ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is the mindset that relationship compositions aren't just about just sex ... it’s about connection, community and more. For me personally, I can not define myself as a swinger. My husband and I have many relationship compositions, including full couple swap, but not limited to. There are times we could cross over into a poly category. It really depends on the chemistry that is flowing between all of us. Swingers do not need chemistry. They can bang on the spot and love it.
So you see, we can all define ourselves as lifestyle, but then you will be in a more niche bracket such as stag/vixen, swinger, hot wife, cuckhold, etc.. That's the beauty of the lifestyle ... figuring out all the ways you can fulfill your sexual and emotional needs.
Due to this reasoning, I am having an increasingly harder time accepting the upside down pineapple as lifestyle, to me, it represents swingers. But that is an entirely different conversation.
Some of the best benefits include:
Stronger communication skills You learn to talk about everything openly. Again, if you can not speak open, honestly and transparently, you are doing yourself and your partner a disservice.
Renewed passion in your primary relationship and yourself. When you start peeling your layers, loving authentically bold and unapologetically yourself, something magical happens
Expanded community of like-minded humans, my favorite part. With my true besties, those that are in my inner circle, I can be my most real honest, true self with. Weather its being completely naked or just all snuggling, I have a person that fulfills a part of me.
Freedom of expression without shame. You only have one chance to live this life, you might as well live it in a way that will make your heart so happy. I have experienced the not so great moments life has to offer, so having a new found freedom, I can finally live authentically.
The Flip Side
Of course, swinging isn’t for everyone. It requires emotional maturity, strong boundaries, and a willingness to handle feelings that may surface—like jealousy or insecurity. That’s why it’s so important to move at your own pace, educate yourself, and surround yourself with supportive, non-judgmental people and do the self work.
So, Is It Alright to be a Swinger?
You're goddamn right it is ... if it feels right for you.
Swinging isn’t about fitting into someone else’s box. It’s about defining your own path, in love and in pleasure, with honesty and integrity leading the way. Be You.
Remember: curiosity doesn’t make you “bad.” Exploring doesn’t make you “wrong.” And choosing to live authentically—whether that includes swinging or not—makes you powerful and uniquely you.
So next time someone asks, “Is it alright to be a swinger?” the answer is simple: Yes, if it’s right for you.
Mizzy Bender’s Lifestyle Thought: Life is far too extraordinary to live confined by someone else’s rules. Swinging isn’t about being “alright” by society’s standards—it’s about being true to yourself and your desires. So rock on with your bad ass self!
Until next time, I will talk to you super soon.
Xoxo,
Mizzy
Mizzy Unfiltered – your chance to ask me anything without holding back. From relationships and lifestyle to personal growth and everything in between, nothing is off-limits.
Your submission is 100% anonymous – no names, no judgment, just raw and real talk. Each week, I’ll pick one question to answer in my advice column on Sundays, 7am via my blog.
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Background: Who doesn’t love to talk about sex and everything in between? Mizzy Bender is here to talk through all the down, dirty and not so fun moments that life has to offer. Mizzy is one female that isn’t afraid to embrace all aspects of life from sexuality to success.
Mizzy Bender is a 42 year old female entrepreneur and influencer leading the way within the Swingers / Adult Lifestyle community. If you believe in Ethical Non-Monogamy, this is the community for you. Mizzy’s journey started out with Mindbender Parties and still remains traveling the East Coast putting on full thematic swinger events with her partner in crime, Mr. Mindbender.
Mizzy’s passion and drive is all about creating an environment that is all inclusive and judgment free, where we can be who we are without question. Where one can have a platform to talk about the things we are curious about without question, finding like minded humans to love and support one another.
Through this journey, Mizzy's Boutique was formed. An adult novelty shop starting out online and has since migrated into a traveling pop up boutique at swingers / alternative lifestyle events across the US.
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