The Reality Hit - My Womanhood was Being Taken Away : Mizzy's Hysterectomy Journey
- Mizzy Bender
- Jun 19
- 5 min read
The Reality Hit - My Womanhood was Being Taken Away
Mizzy's Hysterectomy Journey
It was time for the appointment I was completely dreading. The gynecologist! When the doctor finally came in, I was having a small panic attack and explained that this freaks me out and how I just went on Lexapro. We sat and talked about it for a few minutes which led into talking about my medical history. I'd also like to add in that we did talk about my swingers lifestyle and what it all entailed. This is very important for anyone wondering if you should have the conversation or not. I recommend that you do. The doctors are supposed to help protect you. Please use your voice. So back to the vajaj .... With everything I shared, she wanted to do an internal sonogram. I didn’t realize that the office had the capabilities to do it right then and there, but they did.
When the doctor came in with the results, she had a strong recommendation to meet with the surgeon. WHAT! OMG - why? Here comes the anxiety hardcore. Oh My goodness! She said felt concerned with the positioning of what she is seeing and would really like a specialist to review everything with me. They scheduled the appointment for the following week.
I felt sick to my stomach. I really needed Spencer. I needed his warmth and comfort. That guy has such calming energy and I needed all of it. When he made it home from work, I was a nervous wreck. He was really supportive and had my back with whatever it was going to be. From that moment on, we were in it together. Well, I was making it day by day while he was trying to hold it all together.
Time to See the Surgeon
As we were in the waiting room, my anxiety was really pumping up. Up until that point, Spencer had never seen how the spiral actually happens. Usually, by the time I would call him for help, I'd be deep in a tunnel somewhere needing to be pulled out. It was really hard for him to understand. But, on this particular day he witnessed it from start to finish.
It was time to enter the exam room. I hop on the table and I am swirling. The nurse took out the blood pressure arm band, pulled the velcro and I started to lose my mind. I was sweating, my heart was racing, I felt sick. Spencer said I turned white as a ghost. Full on panic attack all the way through the appointment.
The diagnosis of it all was that I had several fibroids of varying sizes with one taking up the entire uterus in addition to the polyps and cysts. Due to the positioning of it all, it was concerning for the doctor. The speed of growth and location was impacting the rest of my organs beginning to put pressure everywhere. He felt if we did the surgery now, he would be able to remove everything from my hooo ha, successfully accomplishing this laparoscopically. If I waited even just a bit of time, it would have absolutely turned into a full on belly cut open surgery and my immediate response what fuck that. No way. Was he seriously saying we are doing a hysterectomy?
My Womanhood was Being Taken Away
As the surgeon was saying all this, I still don’t think it registered that this was MANDITORY. I am so thankful Spencer was with me because he took over, jumping into action. I was speechless and overwhelmed. I had a million thoughts running through my head. I was truly shocked.
We left that appointment with the surgery scheduled for 3 weeks later.
And just like that. My internal world crashed. We went home and I cried for a long time. Everything that I have shared through this blog series started flashing through my head.
I remembered how lonely I felt as a child. I remember the deep heart ache of making big decisions. I remembered how brutal kids were in school. I remembered the harsh reality of my mother. I remembered the stories I told myself just to survive. I remembered each and every moment that lead to this moment, understanding how they all intertwine and connect in some weird fucked up way. At that time is when I realized I was in for the ride of my life. I was crumbling by the seconds.
My medical anxiety really made headlines each and everyday after that. I was convinced I was going to die during surgery. The reason being is because every time these doctors would whip out that blood pressure machine, I would instantly go into panic mode. (Remember - heart attack is one of my crazy thoughts) My blood pressure would be through the roof. Because of this, I swore I would have a heart attack while under. I could not get a grip.
The anxiety was so bad that I had to spend a ton of time in the shower, on my heat pad and with my pup. I was still adjusting to the Lexapro and frankly I think that was making things worse. It was a difficult medication to adapt to. Although, I do not take any medication. I barely take Tylenol, so it was a task to get through the thought of taking something every day but I was desperate.
I wish this was the worst of it. But it only got worse. Follow along to see what happens next.
Until next time, I will talk to you super soon.
XOXO,
Mizzy
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Background: Who doesn’t love to talk about sex and everything in between? Mizzy Bender is here to talk through all the down, dirty and not so fun moments that life has to offer. Mizzy is one female that isn’t afraid to embrace all aspects of life from sexuality to success.
Mizzy Bender is a 41 year old female entrepreneur and influencer leading the way within the Swingers / Adult Lifestyle community. If you believe in Ethical Non-Monogamy, this is the community for you. Mizzy’s journey started out with Mindbender Parties and still remains traveling the East Coast putting on full thematic swinger events with her partner in crime, Mr. Mindbender.
Mizzy’s passion and drive is all about creating an environment that is all inclusive and judgment free, where we can be who we are without question. Where one can have a platform to talk about the things we are curious about without question, finding like minded humans to love and support one another.
Through this journey, Mizzy's Boutique was formed. An adult novelty shop starting out online and has since migrated into a traveling pop up boutique at swingers / alternative lifestyle events across the US.
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