Anxiety is Bullshit!

And it only got worse!

The Moment Anxiety Reared its Ugly Head

It was New Years Eve launching into 2024 and I was sick as a dog. The month completely wrecked me. The last time I felt that sick was when I had COVID a few years back. During that time I gained generalized anxiety with a fixation on medical anxiety.  I have been asked so many times why and I never had the answer.  Until recently it finally clicked. 

It was a few days into COVID and I was really sick. I was having a hard time with everything. Eating, drinking and just surviving. It may have been Thursday evening and we had both fallen asleep on the couch. I woke before he did so I went to grab the ice cream from the freezer which I successfully did; however, I didn’t get much further because I passed out. 

I know that moment instilled the fear of death in me. When Spencer was bringing me back, I could hear his voice. He was absolutely terrified. When I was coming back, I could feel myself gasping for air. I felt like I was struggling to come back. Spencer got me up and in the shower and went into action immediately trying to keep me steady. 

That was the moment my anxiety started. Realizing anxiety is bullshit and I was absolutely terrified. Every negative side effect about COVID went through my brain including brain clots. I was so scared. I never felt anxiety like that in my life. My body was shaking uncontrollably. I couldn't get a grip. I begged Spencer to take me to the hospital for 2 hours until he finally agreed.

Since it was the middle of the night, the hospital was pretty quick to get me in. They ran every test they could on me to rule out all of my fears.  I was healthy but extremely dehydrated. So they kept me for a few hours, pumped some bags on me and sent us home before the sun came up.

It took everything in me to gain control of that anxiety. I had to fight hard but I did it. I didn’t experience anything like that until January 2024.

The Fight was Real

This is liquid sunshine in a jar!

When I became really sick that medical anxiety kicked in and I was having a really hard time. I started thinking I had something seriously wrong with me. The primary fixations are a brain aneurysm, colon cancer or heart attack. Full on panic attacks daily, sometimes 5-10 times a day. It was absolutely exhausting. It got to the point that I would lay on Thor’s belly while having an attack for him to help me breathe and it would eventually bring me down and I would fall asleep. 

As this was all happening, my mother in law was really pushing me to go to the doctor for all my annual check ups, specifically my gynecologist. In her mind anything could be adding to how I was feeling. Hormones, exhaustion, bleeding, etc.. 

I found a primary care doctor and a new gyno all local to me. I really wanted to find offices in my town, establishing a home base for once. I’ve never had one. I usually go to a walk-in clinic. Scheduling these appointments was really difficult to do. I was telling myself it was the right thing to do, but fighting against myself because what if something was really wrong. My anxiety was in overdrive, especially thinking about the gynecologist.

The first appointment I had was with my Primary Care. The panic attack I had in her office took the entire staff to calm me down. It was absolutely outrageous. Maybe, in a way I was thankful because the doctor was able to experience exactly what I was dealing with. During the appointment I asked her to prescribe me valium. I know it works for me because I get it from the streets. You can have an opinion about that or not, but when I need it, I take it. 

I tried eating warheads to fight my anxiety attacks. By the time I would eat one, I'd be in too deep

My doctor wouldn’t prescribe it though. She said I would be masking my issues and highly recommended

Lexapro, therapy, yoga and to focus on learning mindful meditation exercises to keep myself calm and present. She printed out a ton of information on panic attacks and anxiety disorders. She gave me a few mantras to repeat right there with her and to take with me. I feel she really tried to set me up for success. She did want to see me 2 weeks later to make sure I was staying present. And truthfully - thank goodness for that.

Stay tuned to see how this story continues. Things went down hill so quickly.

Until next time, I will talk to you super soon.

XOXO,

Mizzy

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Swingers Lifestyle Podcast - Real Talk with Mizzy Bender

Background: Who doesn’t love to talk about sex and everything in between? Mizzy Bender is here to talk through all the down, dirty and not so fun moments that life has to offer. Mizzy is one female that isn’t afraid to embrace all aspects of life from sexuality to success.

Mizzy Bender is a 41 year old female entrepreneur and influencer leading the way within the Swingers / Adult Lifestyle community. If you believe in Ethical Non-Monogamy, this is the community for you. Mizzy’s journey started out with Mindbender Parties and still remains traveling the East Coast putting on full thematic swinger events with her partner in crime, Mr. Mindbender.

Mizzy’s passion and drive is all about creating an environment that is all inclusive and judgment free, where we can be who we are without question. Where one can have a platform to talk about the things we are curious about without question, finding like minded humans to love and support one another.

Through this journey, Mizzy's Boutique was formed. An adult novelty shop starting out online and has since migrated into a traveling pop up boutique at swingers / alternative lifestyle events across the US.