The Swingers Lifestyle: Finding Strength, Secrets, and Self-Discovery in Unexpected Places
- Mizzy Bender
- Mar 27
- 7 min read
Updated: Apr 1
Mindful Mizzy
3.27.25
The Swingers Lifestyle: Finding Strength, Secrets, and Self-Discovery in Unexpected Places
Have you read Fouth of July? Then you are ready to read the next part. If not, click to catch up: Fourth of July - The Turning Point to me Finding my Way into the Swingers Lifestyle
The holiday weekend came and went while my ex stayed in the basement drinking vodka bottle after vodka bottle. I was feeling more and more bold. I wasn’t going to allow myself to be taken down. I wasn’t going to be the prisoner that I always was, feeling fearful for the chaos that would unfold if I went out. On Sunday, I got my shit together and went to the beach with my aunt. She has a Hummer so we’d always drive right up to the water, setting up shop for a while. We loved it. Especially her. The beach was and is her safe haven. I would like to mention, the Al-anon steps really helped me reach a point of understanding how to disconnect. It was hard, but I was learning.
Summer Time on Long Island - Sunday, July 8, 2018
My aunt and I always made the best of everything. Summer time on Long Island is our favorite. We would laugh and be so ridiculous together. I think she was the only person I was ever my true true self with. She is the one who taught me to embrace all that we are. Although she never said it specifically to me, she was a wild child at heart and I knew she operated differently than most. We shared the deepest secrets together. When I was with her, I felt like I was my true self. Sure, we did a lot of things that we would never tell anyone, but that's what makes our bond so beautiful. I accepted her just as she was and she taught me all I needed to know about life. I also feel like we are trauma bonded over terrible marriages. I think we both understood the need to be wanted. The need to be loved.
During the really difficult times, it was only natural for us to spend more time together. She always had my back and I will always appreciate the support she provided.
When I arrived home from the beach, I went upstairs to my room. There came a time, when I set up my own bedroom to get away, which was often. I was tired of feeling like I had to be chained to my bed, while a sleeping drunk was next to me. So, I’d go in my room and journal to my oracle cards, for hours and hours and hours. Although, it didn’t matter what room I went to that day because he was still drunk in the basement.
Back to the Grind - Monday, July 9, 2018
It was time to get back to the grind and join the corporate world in full force. The week before was a slow week because of the holiday and having so many days off. It was going to be a busy day so I swallowed all that transpired over the week, put on my best pencil skirt and button up, and drove my brand new Mustang to work… Alone.
I was a pro at funneling all that negative energy at home into my work. I think that is why I was able to handle so much. It was the only way to keep me functioning. To give you an idea, when the restructure happened, to replace me, they needed to hire 3 individuals. I’d say … Mizzy… you are one bad ass bitch! I will be forever grateful for my corporate experience. My bosses were my everything (which is a whole other blog). They were my family, my support, they were the ones who kept me going. They are the ones who provided praise, valued me and encouraged me to find happiness. The experience I obtained couldn't be purchased anywhere. But, I will mention, at this exact time, I was enrolled in college to get a business marketing degree paid for by my company. So on top of all of this, I had to maintain A’s to have my courses 100% free. I did it too.
At some point in the day, my aunt messaged me stating she was heading to Spencer's house after work if I felt like taking a ride. OMG —- was this the universe setting up my path? Did it hear my thoughts? Does the universe want me to explore this? I don’t know, but, knew I absolutely wanted to go. I had no idea what the heck I was thinking. Again… was I interested in him? What is going on in this brain of mine. But, fuck it… yes, I want to go! That’s all that matters. My step son would be with his mom, so I said, Aunty… I'll pick you up at 5:15pm and we will head out. The only thing is, I have marketing homework I need to do, so, I won’t be engaging all that much. Which in my mind was ok. It allowed me to stay hidden in a way. Ultimately, he was her friend. I met him one time for a total of like 7 minutes. I am just having weird secret thoughts. So, having homework was perfect.
It was a beautiful drive out, especially because I had the new car. I loved the summer highway runs. We blasted the music and let the wind blow all the way there.
It's a Swingers World
We hung out in the backyard around the fire, conversating about everything and nothing at all. It was nice to be in Spencer's company. I was able to learn more about him and his life and about Mindbender Parties - his swingers lifestyle party business. It was all very light conversation, nothing deep. Just enough for me to learn little bits. I did learn that he had a girlfriend whom he lived with but in separate living quarters. I learned that he was allowed to have other girlfriends and that it was a normal composition for their relationship.
Even after learning that he had a girlfriend, I was intrigued. Again, never thinking any of this is a reality, I
thought, could I be a girlfriend in a swingers relationship? Was that what a swinger was? I had no idea, but I was open to it. I understood their dynamics, from what was shared with me. In my mind, I understood what my place would be and I was ok with it. Again… Those were just thoughts. You know how you process situations, scenes and scenarios in all sorts of ways. The curiosities. The perspectives. I’m sure you can understand where my head was at. I wasn't heading home to leave my husband to become a swinger. It was fantasy taking me away from my current life. Flashes of thoughts popping in and out. Nothing serious at all.
When I think back on my life, I know for certain, I have always had a light hearted way of looking at relationships. I also have a very light hearted way of interacting with people. I can be very flirtatious in a very subtle way but most of the time, I don't even mean to be. Any how, My ex would cheat on me all the time. I never cared about the true action (I never told him that), I cared that he was lying and hiding and being the sneakiest mother fucker around. But, I guess in monogamous relationships, that's what it is. Sneaky mother fuckers.
As the night carried on, and conversation kept flowing, I learned so much about Spencer’s past. He shared about his swinger compositions (not in detail because he really isn't like that), his polyamorous lifestyle, his snowboarding career, and so much more. I thought he was so fascinating. He has lived such an adventurous life and had such a passion for everything. His energy was completely different than what I was working with at home. It was nice to escape reality for a little while.
Of course I was feeling so broken inside because of everything going on, but little by little I was finding my strength. I felt like I was making moves everyday. Even if I wasn’t, in my mind, that’s all I was focused on. After that horrible, disgusting comment on 4th of July, I had one goal - to get out. I will say that I had no idea what I was doing. I was so overwhelmed that I was just going through the motions at that point. Sure I was keeping busy, but that was a survival tactic. I needed to keep my mind as busy as possible so the disaster of a home life could stay at a safe distance. I got good at that too. The question became…. Is this all talk in my mind, or am I really going to have the balls to move on? I still didn’t know.
For most of the night, I kept my head in my books, tackling my school work, while taking in all the conversations. Making notation after notation. It was such an enjoyable, peaceful night. I think I did a good job of staying under the radar, keeping to myself, and just appreciating the night for what it was. Eventually it came to an end and I had to face the facts of having to go home.
To hear what happens next, follow along every Tuesday at 12pm EST.
Until next time, I will talk to you super soon.
XOXO,
Mizzy
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Background:
Who doesn’t love to talk about sex and everything in between? Mizzy Bender is here to talk through all the down, dirty and not so fun moments that life has to offer. Mizzy is one female that isn’t afraid to embrace all aspects of life from sexuality to success.
Mizzy Bender is a 41 year old female entrepreneur and influencer leading the way within the Swingers / Adult Lifestyle community. If you believe in Ethical Non-Monogamy, this is the community for you. Mizzy’s journey started out with Mindbender Parties and still remains traveling the East Coast putting on full thematic swinger events with her partner in crime, Mr. Mindbender.
Mizzy’s passion and drive is all about creating an environment that is all inclusive and judgment free, where we can be who we are without question. Where one can have a platform to talk about the things we are curious about without question, finding like minded humans to love and support one another.
Through this journey, Mizzy's Boutique was formed. An adult novelty shop starting out online and has since migrated into a traveling pop up boutique at swingers / alternative lifestyle events across the US.
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