Questions to Ask a New Swingers Play Partner
- Mizzy Bender
- 2 days ago
- 5 min read
Questions to Ask a New Swingers Play Partner
So you are new in the swingers lifestyle and you are trying to figure out where to begin huh? You and your partner are feeling pretty enthusiastic about getting your sexcapades on when you realize, you know absolutely nothing about ethical non-monogamy and living out an opened-minded relationship. So you googled "How to be a swinger" which landed you here.
Ok, maybe it didn't go exactly like that, but the point is... you are here and that is all that matters. Recently, I shared a blog on this topic, with a more direct approach for those just starting out when thinking through questions to ask a new swingers play partner.. Take a peak at that by clicking here.
Now that you read that, we can move on to some suggestions.
How Long Have you Been a Swinger For?
One of the first questions I ask a new play partner is the swingers lifestyle is:
How long have you guys been in the lifestyle for?
I ask that question because if they're super new, I might be a little bit hesitant on playing with them. From my experience, the newbies always have things to sort out first and I don't want to be part of the process.
So many jump into the swingers lifestyle having a preconceived idea of sunshine and rainbows but in actuality, that's not really what happens. Unfortunately, unless you are reading the blogs and listening to the podcasts to help educate you, things usually are messy. Even then its complicated. I can point out the red flags pretty quickly. I will call them out also. We can discuss them. I am open to hearing your point of view. That does not mean I will change my perspective on playing, but I am always open to learning and growing through various through processes.
In addition, you don't know what your feeling will be until you've had some experiences. Whether soft swap, full swap or maybe you're just hanging in the environment. You need to go through all of that to feel more confident and in control of your emotions. Once I have a feel for these answers, I move on to another very important question in my eyes.
Who Wanted to be the Swinger?
The next question I ask potential swingers lifestyle play partner is:
Who was the one that propositioned this lifestyle from the start?
I will always pay attention to body language and the way that the conversation is flowing because for me that tells everything. Is everybody on the same page? Do you guys answer the same way? Are you aligned on what your thoughts are? For me, these are the two critical questions that I go into a new play scenario with. For me, I want to get to know you. I want to be on the same page. I probably want to hang out with you a couple of times to see whether you're a trustworthy person. I need to feel comfortable and feel at ease in your presence.
Some swingers have the tendency to say that they don't play with a lot of people, yet their actions show something different. Now, I don't care what your play style is and how many people you bang. I want you to be honest as it will help me understand the questions I need to ask in order to feel comfortable opening my legs to you.
If you're a swinger attending parties and/or going to the swingers club often, you probably have a pretty good rotation of hookups happening. If this is my observation, I will ask you a little more about testing and other things fit to the couple we are chatting with. I want to make sure that you're being super safe in your activities. If I get the slightest feeling of something being off, it is an immediate no.
Many have this idea of feeling fearful when asking questions to a new play partner. I have seen time and time again how so many are nervous to ask the questions they are thinking and it blows my mind.
Guys ..... NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO FUCK YOU. Only YOU get to decide who you bang. If you need to ask one million questions to approve of a play partner, than so be it. If you do not need to ask anything at all, so be it. This all comes down to what makes you feel comfortable as the swinger. It is your body, your temple. Don't sell yourself short because not everyone is asking the same questions as you.
Follow your gut and use your voice!
If you’d like to explore more, my blogs are full of personal stories, resources, and thought-starters to help you and your partner navigate this path. You can also reach me directly through mizzybender.com — the safest and most authentic place to connect with me.
Until next time, I will talk to you super soon.
Xoxo,
Mizzy
Mizzy Unfiltered – your chance to ask me anything without holding back. From relationships and lifestyle to personal growth and everything in between, nothing is off-limits.
Your submission is 100% anonymous – no names, no judgment, just raw and real talk. Each week, I’ll pick one question to answer in my advice column on Sundays, 7am via my blog.
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Background: Who doesn’t love to talk about sex and everything in between? Mizzy Bender is here to talk through all the down, dirty and not so fun moments that life has to offer. Mizzy is one female that isn’t afraid to embrace all aspects of life from sexuality to success.
Mizzy Bender is a 42 year old female entrepreneur and influencer leading the way within the Swingers / Adult Lifestyle community. If you believe in Ethical Non-Monogamy, this is the community for you. Mizzy’s journey started out with Mindbender Parties and still remains traveling the East Coast putting on full thematic swinger events with her partner in crime, Mr. Mindbender.
Mizzy’s passion and drive is all about creating an environment that is all inclusive and judgment free, where we can be who we are without question. Where one can have a platform to talk about the things we are curious about without question, finding like minded humans to love and support one another.
Through this journey, Mizzy's Boutique was formed. An adult novelty shop starting out online and has since migrated into a traveling pop up boutique at swingers / alternative lifestyle events across the US.
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