Mizzy Unfiltered: Navigating Jealousy After an Amazing Swinger Experience
- Mizzy Bender
- Sep 28
- 4 min read
Updated: Oct 6
The below question was submitted through Mizzy Unfiltered. Anonymously submit your question here.
We began our actual journey in July when we scheduled a lifestyle event that concentrated on hotwifing. My husband seemed to handle that with ease. We just got back from the Las Vegas area where we stayed at a brothel (my idea) and set up a night for him to be with a very beautiful courtesan. The next night, we spent time with her together. We had a wonderful time (both compersionists), but since we’ve been home, I have had some twinges of jealousy that have actually surprised me. He has been great, but I know I’m confusing because sometimes I am so turned on talking about it and sometimes I get quiet because he is talking about something she did or said that totally turned him on. My question is how do I tell him how I’m feeling without getting him to totally shut me out of the experience because he is afraid of hurting me?
Welcome to Mizzy Unfiltered, where I share my honest truth in response to your anonymously submitted questions. This is a popular topic in the lifestyle because many people do not understand its complexities. Everyone sees glorified videos showing the excitement, but they often overlook the emotional intricacies involved.
So let's dive into feeling jealous after an amazing swinger experience...
Understanding the Swingers Lifestyle
Before diving headfirst into the lifestyle, it's crucial to understand what you're getting into. Throughout all of my swingers lifestyle / ethical non-monogamy educational pieces, I emphasize observing for at least six months without acting. I don’t have all the facts about your situation, but that would be my initial guidance. Attend swingers parties—whether at a club, house, or hotel. Each setting brings out questions and thoughts that you need to understand.
In your case, I wonder if you and your husband explored flirtatious nights with others. That can be a gentle way to ease into the lifestyle. It allows you to gain insight into insecurities and uncomfortable feelings right away. It sounds like you both jumped in quickly, and since he was okay, you felt you "should" be too. That’s a common thought process, but when it comes to sexual intimacy with our partners, we need to be more thoughtful.
The Complexity of Emotions
When starting any new lifestyle, thorough research is essential. The swingers lifestyle can be fun, but it can also get messy. Just as you mentioned, unexpected emotions can arise afterward because one might not realize the complexities involved.
Jealousy in the Swingers Lifestyle
Jealousy is a normal emotion. The real question is... WHY? Only you can figure that part out. I did an entire Mornings with Mizzy episode on jealousy and how to work through it. This one-pager may be helpful as you sort through these emotions.
My recommendation is to grab a journal and some pens. Review the worksheet and really think about your answers. Come to terms with your feelings before trying to explain them to your partner. It may take days of writing to get to the bottom of it, and that’s perfectly okay. Keep writing; I promise you will find your answer.
Diving deep into each situation will help you separate the feelings you experience when he talks about it versus your own. This self-reflection exercise will help you become more in tune with your inner triggers.
Communicating Your Feelings
We want to be strong in our thoughts and confident in what we say. It’s essential to communicate in a way that your partner can hear and understand without fear. The only way to achieve this is by truly understanding your thoughts. When we grasp the subject at hand, we can discuss things calmly. If we’re unsure, we become defensive, and that’s the last thing you want. This applies to any situation, not just jealousy.
While you’re working through these emotions, please put a hold on all lifestyle activities.
I wish you so much strength on your journey of unraveling these emotions! Thank you for writing in!
To watch the full episode on jealousy:
If you’d like to explore more, my blogs are full of personal stories, resources, and thought-starters to help you and your partner navigate this path. You can also reach me directly through mizzybender.com—the safest and most authentic place to connect with me.
Until next time, I’ll talk to you super soon.
Xoxo,
Mizzy
Mizzy Unfiltered – your chance to ask me anything without holding back. From relationships and lifestyle to personal growth and everything in between, nothing is off-limits.
Your submission is 100% anonymous – no names, no judgment, just raw and real talk. Each week, I’ll pick one question to answer in my advice column on Sundays at 7 AM via my blog.
For more behind-the-scenes and closer interactions:
Join SDC - The Largest International Swingers Site
RSVP to our Events - Mindbender Parties
Shop Mizzy's Boutique
Background: Embracing the Journey
Who doesn’t love to talk about sex and everything in between? Mizzy Bender is here to discuss all the down, dirty, and not-so-fun moments that life has to offer. Mizzy is one woman who isn’t afraid to embrace all aspects of life, from sexuality to success.
Mizzy Bender is a 42-year-old female entrepreneur and influencer leading the way within the Swingers / Adult Lifestyle community. If you believe in Ethical Non-Monogamy, this is the community for you. Mizzy’s journey started with Mindbender Parties and continues as she travels the East Coast, hosting full thematic swinger events with her partner in crime, Mr. Mindbender.
Mizzy’s passion and drive focus on creating an inclusive and judgment-free environment. Here, we can be ourselves without question. It’s a platform for discussing our curiosities and finding like-minded individuals to love and support one another.
Through this journey, Mizzy's Boutique was formed. It began as an online adult novelty shop and has since migrated into a traveling pop-up boutique at swingers and alternative lifestyle events across the US.
Comments