Shackled by Love, Saved by Fate: My Journey from Chaos into the Swingers Lifestyle

Mindful Mizzy

3.28.25

Shackled by Love, Saved by Fate: My Journey from Chaos into the Swingers Lifestyle

Shackled by Love, Saved by Fate: My Journey from Chaos into the Swingers Lifestyle by Mizzy Bender

Have you read Finding Strength, Secrets, and Self-Discovery in Unexpected Places? Then you are ready to read the next part. If not, click to catch up: The Swingers Lifestyle: Finding Strength, Secrets, and Self-Discovery in Unexpected Places

It was Tuesday morning and my then husband was still shackled up in the basement. I hadn’t seen him all week. I was becoming a bit worried, but my need to get my shit together was overpowering everything else. So I got myself together like I always did, and went to work. I never ever, ever missed a day or showed up late because of my home life. The only time I missed work is when we needed to check into Veterans court for his DWI monthly for a year, of which I eventually stopped going. I am sure we will get to that in another blog sometime down the road. Anyhow, I went to work, but he did not and that really pissed me off because he missed work often enough that his pay would fluctuate. Eventually, I had to set up separate bank accounts without his name, to ensure our money was safe. If not, we’d probably be broke due to the alcohol consumption. As I type this, no wonder I have such an issue with finances, and savings, and so much more. It all makes perfect sense. Wow. I am sure I am going to have many more revelations as these entries go on. Which is kind of the point after all.  The one thing about the swingers lifestyle that I will cherish forever is that it forces you to be honest with you're self. The journey of self discovery has been incredible. To continue to self reflect in hopes of growing even more through these blogs, is an opportunity I am so grateful for.

Happy Hour Really is Happy Hour

During one of the times I had spent with my aunt, she mentioned happy hour on Tuesday night. I never really committed to anything in advance because I had to see what was happening with my step son and of course home in general. It turned out that my step son had arrangements for the evening, and I was still on the not giving a fuck path at home and went to happy hour. OMG, I am so glad I did because the bartender was a close friend of mine from high school. Seeing him was exactly what I needed. I was surrounded by happy familiarity and it was so nice. To my surprise, Spencer popped in and the butterflies started to fly. This was definitely the universe lining up my faith. I just had to be strong enough to keep going. Who was I kidding… I had no idea what I was doing. It had been 7 days since I had spoken to my husband. I was more done then I had ever been before. Was it the timing? Was it the universe presenting such an explosive situation at the very same time it knew it was going to present Spencer to me? Was it showing me how beautiful life could be all while showing me what I was choosing to live with. It had to be Spencer. Nothing like this had ever happened before where I even remotely considered something else. No matter how intense things were at home, not once did I ever make any attempts in any way to step outside my marriage. So it had to be the magic of Spencer's soul that the universe knew I needed. 

We had an awesome time that night. It became our summer regular. Tuesday happy hour really was happy hour. It was always hit or miss on who attended, but my aunt and I were there every time. Wine, nachos and quesadilla… What a lineup!  I was so proud of myself for leaving the house, for fighting the sickening feelings in my belly, fighting the unknown, the confusion, the sadness, the anger and a little bit of freedom I was feeling. I can’t recall if there were any text message exchanges going on between my ex and I, but if there were, it was just arguing. Nothing positive, just toxicity. 

Mom Duties Call

Over the next few days I did have to stay around my house because my step son was home and I wanted to make sure he was taken care of. Whether it was a ride, dinner, or whatever. 

I hung out upstairs in my room in the evenings, while my ex stayed in the basement. I still couldn't believe it, but it was making it easier for me to stay strong in my thoughts and actions. I sure as shit wasn’t caving this time, making peace like I always do. Fuck that. Maybe that’s why it was so much worse? Maybe he was waiting for me to do that. Who knows. At the same time, I really didn’t have any kind of game plan in effect. I thought maybe he’ll stay down there forever, and I will stay in my room forever, and we’ll be able to coexist. It was all too much to figure out, with my biggest concern being my step son.  Especially because he was starting to wonder how long his dad was going to stay in the basement.

The nights at home were hard and awkward. Even though we weren't in the same area of the house, it still felt like you could cut the air. I never knew if he would try to come lay in bed, giving up on the basement floor. I didn't have any friends to occupy my time, so I would generally scroll Pinterest looking for powerful, empowering quotes. They always comforted me. My step son was always in and out, and truthfully it was better that way. I preferred him being out of the house as much as possible. It sounds terrible, but for his mental health and not objecting him to ridiculous things, it was the best thing.

Come Wednesday, my ex did finally leave the house to go to his mandated court therapy. I thought that was going to be the most beneficial thing in the world. For the little bit of hope that I had that this would all work out, or I guess go back to normal, this was the day. He would come home with some epiphany and we would continue on with our life. That's crazy right? Especially after all that I have been sharing, but that's the reality of being married, being stuck. Change is hard. Making big choices is hard. I never ever wanted to end my marriage. Never. I thought that we were going to be together forever. I did not realize how much alcoholism ruins everything and everyone until it was way too late.

As always, the wishful thinking was just that. He came home and went right to the basement.

OMG - It Happened

It was Thursday evening and I had just settled in from work. I had no mom responsibilities that night, so I picked my self up a bottle of wine with the intention of watching romcoms until I feel asleep. Before I found a movie, I quickly jumped on to Facebook so I could take care of my farm. Don't judge me. You know you played Farmville also! After taking care of my farm, I checked my Facebook messenger and there it was. A message from Spencer. My whole world gleamed. OMG - he did notice me! What do I do now.. Omg, omg, omg!

Follow along to hear what happens next. The continuation of this story will be posted on Tuesday, April 1, 2025 at 12pm. Be sure you subscribe to Mizzy Bender for all the alerts!

Until next time, I will talk to you super soon,

XOXO,

Mizzy

The stories and experiences shared on this blog reflect my personal journey, memories, and perspective. Everything I share here represents my truth, told through my eyes and heart. This content is deeply personal, and out of respect, it should not be copied, shared, or reproduced in any manner without explicit permission.

Each individual mentioned in my stories has played a significant role in my life—people I have deeply cared for, still care for, and hold respect toward. My intention is never to harm, offend, or disrespect anyone. Instead, my aim is to honestly share my experiences, thoughts, and emotions from my personal viewpoint.

Please read these stories understanding that this is solely my perspective, and others involved may see or remember these moments differently.

Thank you for respecting my story and those within it.

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Background:

Who doesn’t love to talk about sex and everything in between? Mizzy Bender is here to talk through all the down, dirty and not so fun moments that life has to offer. Mizzy is one female that isn’t afraid to embrace all aspects of life from sexuality to success.

Mizzy Bender is a 41 year old female entrepreneur and influencer leading the way within the Swingers / Adult Lifestyle community. If you believe in Ethical Non-Monogamy, this is the community for you. Mizzy’s journey started out with Mindbender Parties and still remains traveling the East Coast putting on full thematic swinger events with her partner in crime, Mr. Mindbender.

Mizzy’s passion and drive is all about creating an environment that is all inclusive and judgment free, where we can be who we are without question. Where one can have a platform to talk about the things we are curious about without question, finding like minded humans to love and support one another.

Through this journey, Mizzy's Boutique was formed. An adult novelty shop starting out online and has since migrated into a traveling pop up boutique at swingers / alternative lifestyle events across the US.